So, there I was—sitting in my kitchen with a lukewarm cup of tea, staring at yet another “Hey, beautiful 😘” from a guy whose profile pic looked like it was taken with a potato. That’s when I decided: I really needed to figure out how to stay safe when using online dating apps.

I’ve swiped through enough sketchy bios, weird pick-up lines, and… was that guy holding a ferret in all three pictures? Y’all, it’s a jungle out there. And not the cute Animal-Crossing kind.

It’s a Wild, Swipey World

Dating apps are everywhere. Tinder. Bumble. Hinge. Even ones like Coffee Meets Bagel (which, real talk, sounds more like a breakfast joint than a love-finding app).

I once matched with a guy who claimed to be a “professional skydiver.” Fast forward 48 hours and Google says the only place he’s jumping is into people’s Venmo requests.

Anyway, how to stay safe when using online dating apps starts right here—before you even send that first “hey.”

Start With Your Profile (It’s Your Shield, Not Your Showcase)

Your profile is like a first impression—but for weirdos, charmers, and everyone in between.

Keep Your Info Close to the Vest

No full names. No exact addresses. No workplace deets. Trust me, I learned this after some guy found my LinkedIn based on one blurry group photo. (Shoutout to Kevin from HR for that unexpected connection request.)

• Don’t geotag your pics.
• Blur out anything that says where you live.
• If your dog’s nametag says your zip code? Crop it out, friend.

Oh, and while we’re here: how to stay safe when using online dating apps often means using photos that don’t show your entire freakin’ life story.

Spotting Scammers (a.k.a. Human Red Flags)

You know what they say—if it looks too good to be true, it’s probably a catfish with Wi-Fi.

Scam Signs 101

• They fall in love in three messages. (Cool it, Romeo.)
• They dodge video calls like they owe Zoom money.
• They have a job that somehow keeps them “overseas” for months at a time.
• They ask for… yep. Money. Or crypto. Or an Amazon gift card “for my grandma.”

I once got asked to send $40 to “help with a visa issue.” My response? “I have $4 and a Blockbuster card. Good luck.”

Anyway, being able to sniff out the BS is crucial in learning how to stay safe when using online dating apps. Trust that gut of yours—it’s wiser than your thumb.

Chatting? Keep it Classy, Keep it Safe

You don’t need to turn into a digital Sherlock Holmes, but a lil’ bit of caution never hurt.

Message Smart, Not Hard

• Stick to the app at first. Don’t hand out your number right away. Or worse, your Snapchat. (That place is chaos.)
• If someone sends a weird link? Delete. Block. Yeet.
• Oversharing is cute until someone shows up at your gym uninvited.

If you’re thinking, how to stay safe when using online dating apps during the messaging phase, it’s all about pacing. No rush. This isn’t a race—unless it’s away from danger.

Before You Meet: Sherlock Time

My friend Tanya has a checklist. I used to laugh… until that one date showed up wearing a cape. No context.

Things I Now Check Religiously

• Reverse image search their pics. (That dreamy jawline? Might belong to a Brazilian soccer coach.)
• Make sure they have more than one photo. And that they don’t all look like stock images from a hair gel ad.
• Ask them something oddly specific—if they dodge, something’s fishy. “Do you like tacos on Tuesdays?” is a personal fave.

This is the part where how to stay safe when using online dating apps really ramps up. Get curious. Ask questions. Google their name if needed. (I won’t judge.)

First Date Vibes (a.k.a. Don’t Die for Love)

Okay, so you made it to the first date. Congrats! Now don’t blow it by doing something… I don’t know… fatal?

Golden Rules for First Dates

• Public place. Always. No exceptions. If they suggest “just chilling” at their house? Run.
• Drive yourself. Or Uber. Or commandeer your mom’s minivan. Just don’t get in their car.
• Tell a friend where you’re going. I text my group chat, drop my location, and sometimes even share a safe word. (“Banana bread” = get me the hell out.)

The key to how to stay safe when using online dating apps IRL is preparation. You’re not paranoid. You’re smart. And alive.

Gut Check Time

There was this one guy—let’s call him Jake. He was charming, funny, owned two cats named Meatball and Linguine. I almost ignored the weird gut feeling I had when he started love-bombing me on Day Two.

“I can really see a future with you,” he said, before we even met.

🚩

Trust. Your. Gut. Every time.

If something feels off, it probably is. Part of knowing how to stay safe when using online dating apps is learning to listen to the little internal alarms going meep-meep-meep.

Quick Break: The Stats (But Not Boring)

Instead of hitting you with percentages, here’s this:

My neighbor Kyle once fell for a fake profile that turned out to be a pyramid scheme recruiter. They met up—he came home with essential oils and an $800 starter kit.

So yeah. Be like Kyle, but without the lavender debt spiral.

LGBTQ+ Dating? Double the Safety, Double the Strategy

Queer dating apps are amazing and complicated and… sometimes risky.

• Stick to apps like HER or Grindr that have strong safety policies.
• Be aware of your region—some places (unfortunately) still aren’t safe for open LGBTQ+ dating.
• Let someone know if you’re meeting someone for the first time, especially if you’re not sure how “out” they are.

One friend even uses a separate phone number for dating. Smart, huh?

Navigating how to stay safe when using online dating apps as an LGBTQ+ person adds layers, but you’ve got this.

Second, Third, Tenth Date? Still Be Smart

Even when things are going well—maybe especially then—you still need boundaries.

• Don’t mix finances early on. Seriously. That’s for tax season, not date #4.
• Keep your own life intact. No disappearing into their world like a Hallmark movie subplot.
• Watch for subtle red flags: possessiveness, guilt trips, shady past explanations.

The longer the connection, the sneakier the danger. Keep asking yourself if you feel good, not just excited.

And yep, how to stay safe when using online dating apps includes knowing when to walk away, even if the playlist was fire and the kisses were chef’s kiss.

Just in Case: What to Do if It Goes Sideways

Let’s say you’re out and suddenly something feels off. Maybe they’re being pushy. Maybe their energy shifted. Maybe your salad came with anchovies and you’re feeling irrational rage.

• Excuse yourself to the bathroom and text a friend.
• Ask the staff for help. (Most places are trained on this stuff now.)
• Call a ride. Or run. I mean it. RUN.

If anything actually happens—harassment, stalking, threats—report it. On the app, to the police, to someone. Saying it out loud matters.

Because at the end of the day, how to stay safe when using online dating apps is also about knowing you deserve to feel safe, always.

Bonus Round: Weird History & Coffee-Stained Wisdom

Fun fact: In the 1800s, Victorians warned women that “electronic courtship via telegram” would attract undesirable suitors. Which, LOL.

Also, page 42 of “Digital Romance & Catfish Chronicles” (1998, probably banned) suggests always carrying pepper spray and snacks on a first date.

I wrote this paragraph by hand while drinking iced coffee from a cracked mug I bought at Pete’s Thrift on 5th Ave. There’s a coffee stain shaped like Florida. I don’t know what that means, but it feels relevant.

Last Bit (No Fancy Ending, Just Real Talk)

So. How to stay safe when using online dating apps?

It’s a mix of instincts, strategy, and learning from your own (and my very embarrassing) mistakes.

Date if you want to. Swipe if you’re bored. Fall in love, fall out again. Just don’t fall for scams, bad vibes, or ferret guy. You deserve better.